Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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