Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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