update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
