Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
