Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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