Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
