her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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