my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
