Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
