Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
