Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
