sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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