heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
