I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
