never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
