Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
