Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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