did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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