even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
