I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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