Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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