it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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