if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
