saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
