i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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