the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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