Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
