I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
