did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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