Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
