Umm I'm too high to move.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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