If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
