Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The air was thick with penises
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
