Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
