Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So vagazzling was a success
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
