Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
