so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
And then my night got REAL pukey
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
