The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
