i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
