maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
