Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
A+ Viking dick
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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