In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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