It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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