Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
