No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
