Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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