The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
