hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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