how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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