I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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