This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
