dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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