wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
