So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
