I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
