so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
