i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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