Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
