A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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